FAQs

OK... I'm providing some responses to frequently asked questions. I'm sure this list will grow!

Q. How old will your child be when he/she joins your family?

A. Dunno! Our agency says that between 1 and 2 years old is realistic and possible. We are young -- 32 and 33 is young for adopting, but um, middle-aged in terms of natural parenting. We've heard that the Polish adoption authority tends to place younger children with younger parents. But who really knows the magic placement formula. We do know that most children placed in orphanages have had to remain on a national registry for some time (6-8 mos.+) before becoming available for adoption. I think that is because they want to have this time to be sure that terminating parental rights is appropriate and see if there is some placement possible by an extended birth family member. Our agency has placed children as young as 8 months, although over a year old is much more likely. We have checked the 0-3 box.

Q. Do you get to choose your specific child?

A. Nope - our child will pick us! OK…well, at least the Polish adoption authority will match us. Our understanding is that they meet periodically and place children with adopting parents and then send a "referral" to the parents. This referral will come with pictures, medical information and any other info that they can send. Then, we will have time to think it through and talk with a doctor about any medical concerns. If we are comfortable, we accept the referral. If we are not, we can decide to wait for another referral.

Q. Will you be getting a boy or a girl?

A. Dunno! Whatever happens, happens. We thought about this for about 2 minutes. Then we checked the "either" box. In some circles I hear that boys are generally more "available" than girls…but that is not necessarily the case. We'll roll the dice on this one.

Q. Why Poland?

A. The beauty of responding to this question here is that I've written a blog entry on that one below. See January 25, 2007.

Q. Do you have to go to Poland?

A. Yes, twice! The first trip will be to officially meet our child, they call this a bonding trip. It is also when we will have our first court hearing to state our intentions to adopt the specific child. The court will then set a final court hearing about a month later. Then, the second trip will be to return for the final court hearing and bring our child home.

Q. How long does this process take?

A. Approximately one year. Our agency says they like to see adoptions completed within a year. I've seen some take less time, and many take more time. A lot of it depends on if you accept the first referral that you are sent. If we do, I believe we could travel on the first trip by the end of this year, or beginning of next year. If we do not accept the first referral, it could be well into next year when it is all completed.

SNL - Comedy Sketch

Here's a funny little Saturday Night Live sketch for your viewing pleasure. I really wanted to post a clip from the comedy series, The Office, where Michael Scott talks to Pam about adopting from China. If anyone comes across it, send it my way!

The Cat is out of the Bag

Alright - the cat is out of the bag! The parents have been told. My parents were in town this last weekend, and we had Ryan's parents over for dinner on Saturday. We didn't have much of a plan as to how to tell them, other than telling them all over a toast. So, I poured our sparkling wine and we lifted our glasses and I looked at Ryan. He said "we have an announcement…" and that they were going to be grandparents. Before they could raise concern over my sipping my second glass of wine, I said "we have decided to adopt."

They all seemed excited - albeit surprised! I could feel my mom's jaw drop and my dad was immediately beaming. Ryan's parents were happy as well. Ron said he couldn't wait to tell Keaton. We explained a little about the process and why we chose international adoption as opposed to domestic. We also talked a bit about Poland and my mom's connection to it.

Ah yes, my mom was indeed surprised. She has been the one more in-the-loop than anyone with our infertility stuff. I could have (and perhaps should have) told her before hand, as opposed to springing this on her. I forgot how she hates surprises! There was a time in law school when I came home at Thanksgiving when they had not expected me. That gave her enough of a heart attack. And this is a bit bigger than a surprise visit! Ah well, what's done is done. She assures me that it is sinking in now.

So, after our news we had a really nice dinner and visit. Relief set in and I was glad that it was "out there." We've been so secretive for so long as we have not let many people in on our fertility difficulties. It is nice to be on a journey that essentially has guaranteed success, and wonderful to now have the support and interest of our families.

I'm a bad sister though. I just realized that I haven't called Kevin to tell him about this all! That is my mission for tonight.

I do have more to update on - just with some of the homestudy and dossier process. I am almost done with my 4 page autobiography. That one is a bit of a challenge. It is tough to fit your life into a few pages and pick and choose the right stuff to make it sound like you'll be the world's best parent, but are realistic at the same time. I am sure I am over-thinking it. Beyond that, there is a long list of stuff to get done. Some of it seems logistically impossible (like getting a medical exam and having the doctor's signature notarized and having our references submit notarized letters), but that is why it takes a few months to get it all done. Many people have completed these very same steps before us, so we know it can be done.

Home Study

We're starting our homestudy! We got our initial paperwork to get going on it. We have medical forms, reference forms, fingerprint forms, releases of information, background checks, etc. Then we each have to do a 4 page autobiography. Beyond that, there will be interviews, home visits, an all day training class, and more. I guess I just found out why the home study takes 3 months.

I know Ryan sees it a lot of this as a burden. But I see it as exciting. Everything we get done is one step closer to our child. I told myself that I was allowed to get excited about this once our homestudy was under way. It still feels a bit premature to get too excited. But it is all really starting to happen. We will tell our parents this weekend. That will make it real!

Lent

Our agency got our agreement and has signed it and sent it back to us. Also included is the I-600 and medical and reference forms. The homestudy soon to follow. I'm sure I'll be reporting as we get things sent it and checked off our list.

So, I've been trying to figure out what to give up for Lent. I know I don't have to give anything up - and there are plenty of years when I haven't - but I want to get a little closer in touch with the Catholic inside of me. I could give up some food, drinks, etc. But I think I want to focus on actions more than that. First, I've decided to give up road rage. I know that sounds odd. The truth is, I drive fine - generally just over the speed limit, I signal my lane changes and turns without fail, I am very aware of the cars around me, I plan ahead, etc. My downfall is a**hole drivers who speed excessively and don't signal. My adrenaline gets pumping and I feel like I want to block them out of my lane, or teach them a lesson or something. So I will speed to block them out or otherwise plot to foil their next move. I realize this is dangerous and stupid. So, 40 days of consciously avoiding that behavior should do me some permanent good. Other than that, I really should do something else - perhaps food related, work related? I'll come up with something.

Happening this week...

Well, this week we sent in our Agency Agreement along with a large check. Writing and sending this check made me feel like this is about to become very real. We are definitely committed now! I'm excited to be off and running with the whole process. I'm even quite organized. I've got this great pink and brown expandable plastic file folder with over a dozen slots and I've filed our stuff under their appropriately labeled sections. I should be so motivated and organized at work.

The next step will be to do the I-600 form and send that puppy to Immigration Services. Then the home study. Once the form is sent and the home study started we will start to tell people and it will be even more real!

We've not yet told our parents. For this reason, we've not yet told our friends and work places. It has been very tempting to talk about it, especially with Jen & Quinn, but we really need to let our parents in first! I think I've written this before, but the plan is to do that when my parents come out here in March - three weeks from today. We're trying to think of how to tell them. Do we tell my parents first? Or his? Do we do something cute? Tell them over a toast?

I don't want to sit them down and make it all serious. I don't want it to be about fertility issues and I don't want it to be about me.

I like the toast idea. I want it to be something to celebrate. Perhaps that is the best way. Have Ryan's parents over when my parents are here. Break out some cool champagne that I have. And toast to the new grandchild who will be traveling a long way to join our family!

I do have a fear that my mom will be surprised and think we should have worked on our fertility issues a bit more. That's ok though. I have been talking with her about every dr. visit and diagnosis over the past year. (Although I've been dealing with fertility stuff for the past 3+ years). I have not given them much warning, so this may be a bit of a shock! That makes me lean towards telling them separately from Ryan's folks. We'll see though. I know everyone will be happy for us and supportive.

The beginning of the paperwork

OK - We've only just begun the myriad of paperwork, but I need to vent already. Our agency (who is very professional and experienced and I trust their process) requires everything be notarized. The contract with the agency requires 8 signatures by both of us, and each of those must be notarized, then they want 2 notarized copies of the agreement. Then, the notary block is super long, there is lots of info that has to be included.

I guess I understand it, but it makes it a bit difficult. There is a gal at my work that can notarize things, and I will be asking her to help, but this will take some time and I want to catch her when she isn't busy. Also, our bank notarizes things for free...but again, this will take quite a long time. I guess I just need to enlist their help then thank them with Starbucks gift cards or something!

As a status update - as soon as we submit this contract with payment, we will be delving into the homestudy, immigration and dossier arenas. I believe our first step will be filing the I-600A with the Department of Homeland Security’s Citizenship and Immigration Services. This is to begin the process of receive approval to bring an orphan to the United States with an immigrant visa and then obtain citizenship upon entry into the U.S. Then we will begin the homestudy with a Nebraska licensed homestudy agency. This will involve a variety of background checks, social worker visits and interviews, and who knows what else. It is involved in every adoption, domestic or international. All the while we will be working to gather all of the materials required for the dossier. The dossier is the packet of paperwork that will be sent to Poland. So, my little notary complaints are extremely minor compared to the adventure ahead!